I’m happy to say that I’ve had more “mediocre to good” dates than bad ones, but I’m still perplexed – and I know I’m not alone. When it comes to dating, is it really a lost art? Have men stopped dating us or has the idea of what a date is morphed into something totally different? If this is the case, why weren’t we women notified? It’s only fair that we know that ole school dating has been put out to pasture and this new fangled style is the current practice. Personally, I think it stinks! And once again, I know I’m not alone. I have a legion of sista friends who are standing with me on this.
What is going on with dating? Men, is the idea of calling a woman up and asking her out a thing of the past? Are we now to be subjected to texts requesting pictures of our breasts, asses and vaginas within a day or two of meeting? Okay, so not everyone experiences this, but I certainly have, and I’ve talked with lots of women who have had those same ridiculous requests. I’m baffled – is this the new normal? Do we skip the dinner and drinks or the coffee and conversation and just get right down to the nasty? God, I hope not!
I completely understand that we are living in the midst of a struggling economy and we may not have as much expendable income as we did in the good old days. But is the idea of chivalry and dating gone to hell in a hand basket? Does the word “Courting” mean anything today? Merriam Webster defines Courting as follows: the series of social engagements shared by a couple looking to get married. Now granted, not every encounter is going to lead to marriage, we understand that and it’s not expected unless you both know that “he/she” is the ONE. But if you’re not sure and you’re just getting to know each other, most women would be happy with just a sincere effort on your part to get to know us – outside of the bedroom!
I don’t know if real dating is a lost art or if it is the victim of current circumstances, but I do know that I’m about to offer a refresher course in Dating 101, so men listen up! My Lord, where do I start?!
- It is NOT okay to offer us your email address as a way of contacting you after we meet. This is a sign that you’re probably married or in a committed relationship! Are you really serious? Who offers their email address vs. their phone number? Married men, that’s who. Go home to your wife…please!
- It IS okay to offer your phone number or ask for ours, or both. Exchanging phone numbers is always a good start.
- It is NOT okay to attempt to get to know us through a series of endless texts. Most women are not interested in sharing parts of our lives with you through texts. Mature women will want to talk with you on the phone or in person. If you’re not comfortable talking on the phone, then you’re not ready for a woman of substance. Stay in your lane and play with the girls who will be content to text back and forth with you all day.
- It IS okay to call a woman the same day that you get her phone number. In my research, I have talked with lots of men and the overwhelming reason that men say they wait a few days, or even longer, before he calls a woman is because they don’t want to look like they’re desperate. A close second was that they got busy and just forgot.
- It’s NOT okay to wait a week or longer to call. You may see it as not wanting to look too anxious, but we see it as not being interested. Call us! If we gave you our number to begin with, then chances are we didn’t just give it to you to get rid of you. More than likely, we’re interested in finding out more about you. If we weren’t interested, we’d lie and tell you that we’re married, engaged or have a boyfriend!
- When you finally do call us, it is NOT okay to invite us to your house as a FIRST date. Mature women are not interested in coming to your house to find out what your cooking skills are like – we probably have a few of our own. Nor are we interested in coming to your house to “watch some flicks and have some drinks or just cuddle.” Seriously?! That’s a date? We have our own “flicks” and a pretty well stocked bar or stash of booze at our place – we don’t need yours – we want your attention. And that brings me to “cuddling.” That is just a warm fuzzy synonym for “let’s have sex.” We do not want to cuddle with you. If we want sex out the gate, then we will let you know. Don’t insult us by thinking you’re appealing to our soft feminine side by using cozy, fluffy words like cuddle. For most us, it doesn’t work.
- It IS okay to be honest and straight forward with what you want. If it’s sex, say so. I understand that many women may be turned of by this type of candor, but a really evolved woman will appreciate your honesty and either thank you and send you on your way, or sex you up because that’s what she wants, too.
- It’s NOT okay to ask a woman out and then expect her to pay for the date. If you asked her, then you pay! Simple as that. All this conversation about who pays is ridiculous! If she asks you out, then you still pay! Just kidding, but that’s still negotiable for some men. I have asked men out (we alpha women will do that) and my date still paid for our date. But then I’ve asked someone out and actually did pay for the date (alpha women will do this, too). I was fine with that. Each situation is different and you need to evaluate it on a date by date basis.
- It is always okay to PAY for the date. If you want to see her, ask her out, not over to your house unless you’re both comfortable with that. If you don’t know this woman, don’t assume that it’s okay to do that.
- Unless she invites you, It’s NOT okay to invite yourself to her home. Our homes are usually a safe haven for us and inviting you there allows you inside of that haven.. Have you proven yourself worthy of this? Yes, I said it! We’re still women and the physically weaker sex. Just look at the news – this world is a tough place for women, especially living alone. Don’t put her in that position. Show respect for her space and her safety. Ask her out, or if you can’t afford to do so, then wait until you can.
- If you’re REALLY into this woman, it’s ALWAYS okay to call and/or text throughout the day. If she’s NOT into you, she won’t return your calls or texts. If she likes you, she’ll be glad that you like her, too, and she will LOVE the attention!
- When you take her out, it’s NOT okay to walk ahead of her or jump in the car while she’s still struggling to get the door open. It’s also NOT okay to walk in front of her when you enter a restaurant or ANYWHERE. We love it when you walk behind us – we feel protected and feminine. Besides, we know you’re looking at our asses, so take advantage of the view!
- It’s OKAY to call the next day to tell us what a great time you had and ask when you can see us again. Heads up though, if she doesn’t answer or return your call, chances are she didn’t feel the same way. In which case you should move on. A follow up phone call or text is important and it shows that you’re thoughtful and enjoyed the date as well.
- It’s NOT okay to check your cell phone constantly during the date. It’s just rude and shows a lack of connection or interest in the woman sitting across from you. Put your phone on vibrate, or better yet, turn it off! And if she’s constantly checking her phone or texting when she’s with you, then a follow up phone call the next day isn’t necessary – she’s already told you that she’s not interested in you. In which case, move on.
- It’s ALWAYS OKAY to bring us flowers occasionally. It doesn’t have to be a bouquet – a single rose is just as effective and it shows that you’re interested and have romantic tendencies. Even if you don’t, fake it with flowers, we’ll teach you the rest. I don’t care how independent or feminist we are, women love flowers!
These are just some basics on dating a woman. We’re all adults and if it’s just a sexual encounter that you want, then skip the flowers, dinner and other amenities and just get right to it. But if you’ve been fortunate enough to meet a woman who you’re truly interested in, then the effort that you put into her is going to pay off big time, especially if she is into you, too.
Important: Dating can get expensive and we understand this, guys. So if we offer to pay, let us. We’ll offer if we really like you and want to spend some time with you. I’ve been on very inexpensive dates: i.e. ice cream, a slice of pizza, a cup of coffee, even a walk around Atlantic Station or a simple picnic, weather permitting. I’ve even had “workout dates,” where we’ll either meet in a gym or walk a trail for exercise and conversation. Personally I’m more interested in the company than I am in where or what we do. There are lots of creative ways to date that doesn’t cost much money. If you don’t have much money, then fine, but have a great imagination and let the woman that you’re interested in know this upfront. If she really likes YOU and not your pockets, then she’ll choose YOU over expensive dates!
It really doesn’t take much to please us. I know – I can hear some of you men saying, “Yeah, right!” Well if that’s the case for you, then perhaps you haven’t met the right woman. It’s the little things that matter to most of us. I’m not sure how many men will actually read this post and that’s okay. Women, use this as a refresher for you if it’s been a long time since you’ve dated OR if you’ve NEVER been on a good date! Men, if you don’t read this, then just know that the woman that you ask out may have and she’s expecting you to show up … correctly.
Photos: Courtesy of Stock Photos