Did she say love, sex & dating after 50? Yes, that’s what I said. What? you don’t think it’s possible? Well it is – for all three! Look, first of all, I still can’t believe that I’m almost 55 years old! When did that happen? I’m past the half century mark…THANK YOU LORD, I MADE IT! Truth is, I’m happy to still be here, alive, vibrant, doing the things that I love and enjoying my life with the people who mean the most to me, so I’m thrilled that another birthday is rolling around! Ok, now back to the real fun stuff. Yes, there is life on the other side of 50 and I’m happy to report that it’s not all about arthritis, slowing metabolisms, graying hair and expanding waistlines, although I’ve experienced all of them! But, despite the aging process, there are some definite awesome happenings that occur when you reach your 50’s involving love, sex and dating – and I speak from experience here.
L.O.V.E. – that other 4 letter word. I know. I can hear the sighs and see the eyes rolling now. But wait! Love is NOT a bad word and, although true love may be elusive for a time, there’s still hope. By 50, we’ve either been in love or at least thought we were at least once in our lives. If you remember that feeling of joy, then you want it again. If you’ve never really known it, then you certainly deserve to. Maybe it wasn’t perfect, but what is? One of the best things now at this age is that you realize that love doesn’t have to be perfect and neither does the person you love. Love doesn’t always come packaged with a pretty red bow and hearts and flowers won’t swirl around our heads like some cartoon.
I would like to believe that at this middle age – this quietly matured and wise mellow milestone – that love will come packaged with mutual interests, loads of laughter, like mindedness, emotional security and acceptance. However, none of it will mean a thing or even find its way to you without an open heart. Bitterness from past relationships, unforgiveness and low self-esteem will serve as a force field against love. Yes, it will keep you safe and protected, but love will have a difficult time penetrating it. Not impossible, but difficult. At 50+, LET IT ALL GO! Forgive, put it down and give thanks for the lessons that the universe has sent your way. Move towards the light and love will find you there. But before it does, it won’t matter unless you’ve discovered the beauty in loving yourself first.
SEX – Hurray for still being interested in S.E.X.! Wow, who knew that sex could be better now than ever before? I sure didn’t! Look, the truth here is this: In my 20’s, I didn’t have a clue about my own body or what it was capable of feeling. I went through the “motions” and thought life was grand! Hey, I was grown, after all, wasn’t I? Ha! I look back now and realize that I didn’t know anything at all about sex and just how fantastic it could be. No, that wouldn’t happen for another 30 years for me. Even after 2 husbands and 2 children, the best sex for me came AFTER my divorce! I’m not kidding! It has only been in the last several years that I have finally discovered and embraced my own sexuality …unapologetically I might add. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m no longer stressed and burdened by a lousy marriage to a habitual liar and cheater or if it’s because I’m older and know what I like sexually. I honestly think it’s a combination of both. Whatever it is, it works for me!
Yes, we women of a certain age will be dealing with aging bodies as well. Our bodies may not be as firm and taunt as they used to be, and lucky you if yours is! The best advice I can give is this: If you’ve met someone who you’re ready to become intimate with, then do yourself a favor, Ms. 50+ and Fabulous: buy yourself the sexiest, prettiest bedroom outfit and, along with that special perfume you’ve got, put on the biggest smile you have and rock what you have right now! Don’t worry about the extra pounds you need to lose or the cellulite that has attached itself to your thighs or the gray hair or the stomach with the extra “fluff” or the sagging breasts. Sure, I wish I had my 20’s body back, but it’s gone now. It’s been replaced by a body that has housed and nurtured two wonderful human beings and has seen its share of wear and tear through the years. Be grateful that it’s a healthy body, albeit not the prettiest or shapeliest. Be thankful that those sagging breasts are cancer free and the extra pounds are from not missing any meals and gray hairs are from living long enough to earn them. It’s all perspective. Rock your self-confidence – if you don’t have any, fake it until you feel it. Lube what needs to be lubed, gel it, shave it, tuck it in, pull it out or whatever. Most of all, enjoy it and show him what you’ve learned in these years and if he’s lucky, he’ll be the happy recipient of your gifts – Rock his world! (Sidenote: If he’s turned off by your body, then he’s not right for you anyway, send him home – his loss! Find someone who accepts and loves ALL of you, clothed and unclothed)
DATING: At first, after my divorce, I was hesitant to get back into the dating scene and I didn’t rush. I took my time and got to know this new woman who was emerging. A new woman I was quickly becoming acquainted with daily. I liked her – she was pretty cool. So, I spent as much time with myself as I could. Then one day, a couple of years later, I decided it was time to start dating again. Now, I won’t go into a long story about that, but you can read about some of my first dating experiences in some of my previous posts, A Cougar’s Tale ( written on 12/18/13) My life changed and went into a direction that I never saw coming and I loved it! It was different, exciting and it did amazing things for my ego and confidence! It’s not for everyone, but it was for me. I dated mostly younger men because they seemed to be most interested in me. They were the only ones asking me out so I accepted!
The older ones – my age – either didn’t ask or when they did, they seemed to have a lot of baggage and unresolved issues in their lives that I wasn’t interested in dealing with. We ALL come with baggage, especially as we get older. The trick is how do WE deal with our own baggage? If we’re not dealing with it well, why would we think anyone else would want to? And many of the men my own age…well…**YAWN** – yes, I said it and it’s true. So, once again, I chose the men who made me laugh and with whom I had a good time. They just happened to be younger.
Try the online dating sites if you’re curious about them. I did and you can read my tips in my post entitled “Do’s and Don’ts for Online Dating” (written on 12/14/13) and “Online Dating – Should You or Shouldn’t You” (written on12/13/13). Remember: Use the same common sense online that you would off line! The main thing to also remember is to just get back out there. You’re older, wiser, so much sexier now, smarter, independent, grounded, fun loving, free spirited and loving! You’ve got so much to offer someone. Treat dating as a way to meet people, not as a search for a new husband. Now there are people who will disagree with me, but that’s ok. I say this because if you go on every date wondering if this could be your next husband, you’ll find yourself “interviewing” him instead of talking to him and you won’t really allow yourself to just be in the moment enjoying the date. It’s just a date – not a promise of a future. If it’s meant to be, it will. If not, then it was just a date.
We’re over 50 now and there’s no going back so we may as well make the best of it and have fun along the way!
Photo Credits: Dreamstime Stock Images