single womanCity: Atlanta, Ga

Date:  Spring, 2015

Location:  Kroger’s Grocery Store – Produce Dept. – Fruit section

Real life conversation:

Scenario:  He was holding two different cartons of blueberries in his hand – one regular, one organic. I’d just picked up a carton of the organic ones and placed them in my cart. He appeared out of nowhere.

Him:  Hi, ummm…excuse me, miss, can you please tell which is better, regular or organic?

Me:  Oh, well I usually buy the organic blueberries because supposedly they don’t use pesticides.

Him: Okay, well then I’ll get the organic ones, too. If they’re good enough for you, they’ll be fine for me.

Me:  *Blank and confused stare* at first, then I realized he was flirting with me – *big smile*

Him:  I have a confession: I really don’t even eat blueberries, I mean I like them, but I didn’t come here to buy any.

Me:  *Blank stare and blink* Huh? What do you mean?

Him:  *Laughs* I mean you blew right past me as I was leaving and you were coming in. I went to my car, put my bags away and came back in to meet you. *glances at my hands*  No ring, good! Not married. *big smile*

Me: *Now REALLY catching up with the fact that he was flirting with me* No, no ring…not married.

Him: Now why exactly is that? Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you’re not, but why is such an attractive woman like you single?

Me: *Blank stare* What’s wrong with being single?

Okay, I’ll stop there. I won’t bore you with the rest of the conversation between blueberry guy and I. I wanted to make a point. Yes, please notice the “blank stares” throughout the first part of the conversation. Hey, I had groceries on my mind, not romance in the produce department.

“Why are you still single?” I’m certain that all single women have been asked this question from either a relative, friend (never mind, a REAL friend already knows why you’re still single), and especially from a potential new love interest who usually means it as a compliment. After all, we’re beautiful, vibrant women navigating this tough world on our own…no man to guide us or protect us, right?  We’re tender, delicate flowers who need to be shielded. WRONG ANSWER!  But seriously, most times when men say this, they simply mean why hasn’t someone snatched us up and married us off by now!

“What’s wrong with being single?” NOTHING!  Absolutely NOTHING! (I know, I know…there are thousands and thousands of single women who would beg to differ, but that’s okay. I completely understand that we each have our own needs, desires and goals. I also get it that there are single women who have never been married and want to be. There are also divorced or widowed women who want to remarry. I get it. Marriage is a wonderful thing when it’s done right and I fully support it! However, for me, I have truly been enjoying my “singlehood” for the past several years and am in no hurry to part with it.

Being single is not a “state of waiting” and if all you’re doing is “waiting,” then you’re doing it wrong. Being single is sometimes thought of as not “normal,” but rather a desolate and lonely place that we’ve been banished to due to divorce, a spousal death or simply because we haven’t met someone worthy of us yet. Being single is a time to tune into your inner self – your soul and your heart – to listen and discover what your spiritual “voice” really sounds like. It’s a time to own and hone your talents and skills. A time to put a period on that end of that last sentence in that last chapter and a capital letter at the beginning of the next one. Being single is wonderful time to cultivate new relationships, build and strengthen foundations, travel and get familiar with your own company. I never knew how incredibly awesome I was until I became single. It has only been during this time that the wings I’d always had were able to spread and fly. This caterpillar metamorphosed into a beautiful colorful butterfly filled with light and love. I’m not giving that up and I’m never going back to anything less.

In my singleness I have discovered that I am excellent company. I have learned to laugh at my own self – craziness and all. I have become intimate with my flaws and have sought to embrace them rather than change them. You see, it is a part of self-acceptance to live, love, lead and laugh with imperfection, and even more so to be okay with it.  In my single world, I have befriended a woman who is reserved but never shy. She is introverted to her core and quietly confident in her womanhood. Not because she received validation from anyone – man or woman – but because she has found and heard her own voice in her singleness, without the distractions of a partnership. I trust my voice and I will bring that wisdom, confidence and spiritual and soul awareness, along with vitality, maturity, patience and tolerance, with me into a relationship. I’m quite a catch!

As a single woman, I have discovered and embraced my own sexuality as it is. I have been free to discard the old and welcome the new and uncharted. I have moved out of my comfort zone on many levels and have discovered a boldness and an appetite for joy and pleasure, which had been sadly suppressed and denied for most of my married life. I bring wisdom with this new found boldness, but I never would have discovered it if I’d spent my single days seeking another life partner instead of seeking my true self. Sometimes, for a time, it really is ALL about ourselves.

So, once again I ask: What’s wrong with being single? And I say, loud and clear, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Oh, you want to know what ever happened with the blueberry guy?  Well, let’s just say that when he smiled at me as he held those blueberries, I noticed the most incredible dimples and I realized right there, regardless of how things developed, that I’d never look at blueberries the same.

7 Comments Add yours

  1. That was so nice and enlightening!

  2. Sherry says:

    Ava, I am still applauding you!!! I laughed out loud with joy. I said “You go girl.” even though you couldn’t hear it. Keep owning who you are. You are one VERY AWESOME Diva. I’m glad I really did get to meet you. You are an inspiration for not only single women, but you help us still not-so-satisfied-married ladies keep our sanity. Dimples, huh?

    1. Thank you so much, Sherry! 😃And thanks for taking time to read and comment on my work…I really appreciate it! So nice to hear from you…please stay in touch. Yep, he has dimples..one in each cheek! 😉

      1. Sherry says:

        Thanks Ava. I’ll do better. Two dimples, huh — sounds like he’s still around? Have fun with him.

  3. Deborah says:

    I truly appreciate who I am because of being single. Would life had been easier if I were married? Perhaps. However, I don’t think I would be the magnificent person I am today had I been married or unhappily married for a significant period of my life. To be honest, I would not have wanted to be married to me. I feel blessed to have journeyed as a single woman because that is the way I grew into the woman I am today.

    1. Deborah…Thank you for your comment and your honesty! I so agree with you: being single is a chance to become the very best you! It’s a glorious opportunity to learn, grow, nurture and love ourselves AND our own company. We are so much better and have a great deal to offer to the RIGHT person when he/she comes along. I’m glad for your journey.

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