I’m not afraid to sit in the dark. It is there that the light shines through the cracks like the weeds on a city street that persist against the odds.
Over the past several years, I have purposefully surrounded myself with beautiful things. They are, at least, beautiful to me. I have tried to create a life to embrace and rest within. I have purchased bright colorful artwork and covered every wall with bold colors and bursts of flowers that shout renewal and courage. I have scoured the thrift shops and discount stores and have found what are gems to me. Oh, some may say the art is merely cheap stretched canvases with acrylic colors with faded images. But for me, they have warmed my soul with brilliance and comfort. I choose to remove myself from a world that many times feels hopelessly void of human kindness and beyond repair. Instead I prefer to shelter and renew myself behind my walls in solitude where I am free. I have created a haven.
It was the fragrant incense or the Palo Santo sage that filled my home with sweetness and it was the soft jazz that floated into my sole and into every room in my home. My wind chimes made their own special music on my balcony when the breeze nudged them. Sometimes the one in my special space inside of my home made music even with no breeze. It was magical. It was my ability to be still and silent and not be afraid to do either. I was assured that there are solutions, there is hope, there are loving memories of those long gone, and that everything is going to be alright. It was in my beautiful special space that I am reminded that I cannot control the world. I can only do my part to add goodness and kindness to humanity in whatever way I am meant to do so.
It was the undeniable peace and joy that inhabited every inch of my space and always welcomed me home. It was there that I felt the presence of loving ancestors and protective angels who whispered loving words in my ears. I was safe within those walls. I’d not only created a home for myself, but a place where love had always lived and where hope and faith were present. It was beautiful.
One day I left that all behind and started another journey. One just as relevant and beautiful. And I have carved out a niche for myself and placed a light in the window because the Divine is with me. It is home for now. I will recreate that same type of beauty one day from the past again. It won’t look the same, it will be better.
This new journey has already awakened me to new and creative ideas and I am grateful. I am always learning and my soul will remain open to the universal flow of endings and new beginnings. It is a journey until it is over and one that I welcome. I have joyfully decided to live and enjoy my life and pay no attention to my age! I will recreate my beautiful again and shape more memories as I do so. It’s not too late. I’m not too old. I can start over and I will.