Men Really Aren’t That Complicated


The older I get, the more I’m convinced that men are very simple to understand. I’ve had my suspicions about this for a while, but now I’m sure of it. My conclusion did not come solely based on my experiences. As a matter of fact, if I had to base it on my history, I wouldn’t be writing this article. In preparation for this particular piece, I started doing the footwork several months ago. Over these past months, I’ve spoken with 40 men and asked them various questions about their likes, dislikes, relationships, and women in general. The ages of these men ranged from 35-54. I wanted to talk to younger men and mature men, married and single, black, white and hispanic.

I could not write an article about what men wanted without talking to men, right? Being around all those men and asking them personal questions was tough, but I made the sacrifice and did it for the betterment of manhood – so we women will appreciate you more – respect and love you more! Yes, I took one for the team and offered myself up to be the sounding board for men to women! Okay, I’m being funny. The truth is, I had a blast doing this! Most of these men I do not know personally, but I have made some new friends along the way. Many others I do know and have met either in person, on Facebook and even from my days on the dating sites.  In every case, the men were open, honest, funny and eager to share their thoughts and experiences.  (By the way, any of my male family members or friends who read this and think, “Hey, she didn’t ask me anything!,” don’t worry…I’ve got lots more “men” stuff coming that I’m going to need your help with, so look for me to contact you – and don’t blow me off when I do!)

After all the fun that I had meeting and talking with these terrific men, I learned a few things that interested me,  but much of what men said they wanted and needed from a relationship came as no surprise. One of my friends told me that basically all he needed was food, sex and a warm place to lay down at night. Now, of course, we laughed when he said this, but, after looking over and compiling all of the data that I acquired from these men, he wasn’t far from the truth. Needless to say, there are a few other ‘needs’ and ‘wants’ in between, but I got the message. Now I’m going to share it with you.

What are two qualities or characteristics that makes a woman sexy in your eyes?

  • While most men who I spoke with stated that a woman’s smile and eyes are two of the sexiest things about her, they also agreed that a happy and confident disposition is also a big turn on. Every single one of them admitted that they are initially attracted to a woman’s physical form, with an emphasis on breasts, butts, hips and legs (no surprise with this one).

“I love a woman’s eyes. They are the windows of her soul.” – William 54 (Washington, DC)

“I’m can’t lie, I like a big shapely booty! That drives me wild! That’s the first thing I’m looking at, then I want to check out everything else.” Don 38  (Brooklyn, NY)

                               “A woman with a beautiful smile will get my attention fast. But it’s her eyes that I really look at. They both can reel me in like a big fish.” – Ramon 46 (Miami, FL)

            “A big butt and her smile! Even if her butt is not that big, I’ll still fall for the smile.” Eddie 42 (Newark, NJ)

“Her smile and a cheery personality. There’s nothing sexier in a woman who is happy with herself!” Kyle 37 (Phoenix, AZ)

What do you think that most women don’t understand about most men?

“I really need my woman to tell me what is on her mind when I ask her. I’m not a mind reader and saying ‘nothing is wrong’ when something really is wrong, is just wrong. Talk to me and I will listen.” – Joe 45 (Atlanta, Ga)

“Women need to understand that men need to be needed. We need to know that you need us in your life. I hate it when a woman says ‘I don’t need a man.’  Why the hell are we here on the planet then?”  – Rocky 39 (Marietta, Ga.)

 “Look, I’m tired of running into women who hold me responsible for what their ex did. I’m not the one who hurt you and you’re not giving me a fair chance. Understand that he is not me.” – Carlos 43 (New York, NY)

   “Women need to understand that we men are ‘fixers’ by nature – we are innately problem solvers. If you tell us about a problem at work, sometimes it’s hard to just sit and listen and empathize with you without offering up a solution. That’s what we do. If you want sympathy and hand holding, talk to your girlfriends about the problem!” – David 53 (Houston, TX)

Women, y’all don’t understand that WE LOVE AND NEED SEX…OFTEN!  Don’t sex us up before the marriage and then dole it out like cough medicine only when I’m sick. I’m sick when I don’t get it! It is how we are wired – we need sex. It relieves stress and tension for us and sometimes that is the biggest way we may know to show you how much we love you.” – Shaun 47  (Bronx, NY)

“You women need to understand that we need to be able to just watch the game in peace! Save the conversation for later. If it’s not life or death, it can wait!”  Carl 40  (Atlanta, GA)

What turns you on before you even have sex with your wife or your woman?

“The fact that she really wants sex is a big turn on to me. I want to be with my woman all the time, but it’s always better when she really wants sex, too! I see her response to me and it either raises my manhood or it makes it makes it go down.” – Chris 35 (Alpharetta, GA)

                         “I like her to talk dirty to me all through the day. Send me dirty texts or even send a sexy picture of herself to my phone. Men are more visual than women and it turns us on to see you and hear you talking nasty to us. I’m ready by the time I get over to her house!”  – Brian 41 (Harlem, NY)

                                                     “Feed me! I love to eat and I love a woman who loves to cook! If she wants to turn me on, just cook me so good ole soul food – Fried chicken, mac and cheese, sweet potatoes,  collard greens, corn bread and peach cobbler – After I wake up from my nap, I’m ready to go!” –  Keith 51 (Raleigh, NC)

                “I just like to watch her on a regular day – around the house – in her sweats and t-shirt or with her hair undone or pulled back  and no make up at all. To me that is so sexy because she’s natural and more beautiful.” Raphael 34 (Orlando, FL)

What would you thank you wife/woman for?

“Thank you for being a woman and not trying to be the man. I’m enough man for both of us.” – Thomas 44 (San Diego, CA)

                “Thank you for being open to love again even after your ex hurt you so bad. You gave me a chance and now we’re getting married.” – Alex 39 (Chicago, IL)

                                                    “Thank you for continuing to take care of yourself even after all of these years. You exercise and eat right – and make me eat right – and you’re still as beautiful as when I first met you 8 years ago!” – Vince 49 (Decatur, GA)

“Although I don’t have a wife or a woman right now, If I did, I would thank her for being so patient and understanding with me. I’m a work in progress and I promise to do the same with her.” – Darrin 35 (Jacksonville, FL)

                    “I’m thanking my woman in advance for the head I’m gonna get later on tonight. That matters a lot! Thank you baby!!” – Rick 40 (Atlanta, GA)

Yeah, well we knew there was going to be at least one or two who would thank their women for sexual favors, right?  No surprise there either. Now I spoke with a lot more ment than I recorded individually here, but for purposes of space and time, I condensed it, which wasn’t hard to do. It was clear to me that the answers from all of the men didn’t deviate much, so compiling it together was easier than I thought It would be. The answers and responses on here pretty much reflected the sentiments of the majority of the men who I spoke with.

There is no generalization to the thoughts and opinions of men, every man is different. But instead of looking at the differences, I wanted to find out about the commonalities – the shared desires, needs, opinions and habits. This isn’t an in depth study about men – it wasn’t meant to be. I did it for fun and out of curiosity, and I wanted to give the men something to read when they come to my website! I don’t want it to feel completely like a chic site, ya know what I mean? And, equally as important, I wanted to share this information  with all of my sistas reading this, regardless of race. Because when it comes right down to it, men are men and they have more in common with each other than differences. In the end, men need to be needed, loved, appreciated, respected, fed and SEXED UP!  Get to work, ladies!

**Men, please take a moment and take the poll below. Your feedback is important to me. And leave comments, too! Thanks!


Photos: Courtesy of Stock Photos


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Andrew Nimitz says:

    I enjoyed reading your article. It seemed realistic, balanced and without bias.

    1. Thank you Andrew – I’m so glad that you enjoyed my article! I tried to be as unbiased as possible. I had a great time talking with all of the participants. Thanks so much for taking the time read it and leaving me a comment! 🙂

  2. Renee says:

    I am fully engaged by your articles on relationships. It is wonderful to hear what men really want and its not that complicated. Let’s see if I can serve it up!

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